ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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