yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
