I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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