The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
