Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
