she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Randomize
