I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
