You made me cry and you don't even care
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
