cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
