i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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