You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
