What did we do last night that was yellow?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
