dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
