Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
