i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
