My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize