i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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