They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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