How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
