Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
