Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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