I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
as a side note pls kill me
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