I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
