when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This house was built for laser tag.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize