i always forget guys have bellybuttons
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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