eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
