Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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