Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize