I love black thongs
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
