wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
