I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
