I am puke
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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