i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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