I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
