why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
