I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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