it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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