:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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