I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
