in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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