I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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