i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
