I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
