I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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