question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize