her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm really busy with my period
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
