I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
