i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
