I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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