Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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