Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
