um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize