I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
