He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
