i'm signing you up for texting rehab
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
