If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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