im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
