i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
