so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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