Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
