I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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