Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
