Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
