How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why is there bacon in the couch?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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