Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
