Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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