The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Even my vagina gasped.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize