last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
