Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
