I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize