Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
