Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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