I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
