it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
