I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
