Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
