i think my tv is drunk
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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