Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
