I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
