Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize