I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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