As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize