Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
bring money and cleavage
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
