We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
