$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
