I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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