When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
