Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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