Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
