I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What a dumb baby whore.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
