I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
