I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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