i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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