Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
