they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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