JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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