I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
